An Interview With Myself About My Egg Intolerance

Days Gone By
Is it true, Louise, that you’ve developed an intolerance to eggs?

Yes, Louise, it’s true. I think  it’s because I ate too many of them last year.

There is actually no scientific evidence to back that theory up. Do you often make up your own theories? I’ve heard that you also make up your own disorders and illnesses. Is that true?

Who told you that? I bet it was Weather Girl. She thinks I invented “land sickness”, because I had a terrible bout of it after a ridiculous cruise we went on. But guess what? It’s a real thing! I may be hypochondriacal at times, but I don’t make up disorders. For some reason my body just chooses the strangest ones.

Can you give another example?

Have you ever heard of ovarian torsion? I didn’t think so. Do you want another example?

Ew. No. Gross. Let’s move on. How has the egg intolerance affected your life?

Physically, not at all. I just don’t eat them anymore. Mercifully,(because I can’t imagine life without cake), I can have small amounts with little consequence. Emotionally though, I’m crushed. Eggs for breakfast has to be one of my favorite things in life. No one knows the pain I feel when they ask me to brunch, or offer me quiche.

Are you crying?

Maybe.

If you really have an egg intolerance then why did I see you buying eggs almost every week at a local growers’ market this summer?

Duh, because the guy selling them was the hottest farmer-intern in the history of farmer-interns. What was I supposed to do?

Um, ask him out? Did you?

No

Wait, did you even talk with him?

Once.

How did that go?

Not good. I said it was a “perfect day for a market”.

Wow. Are you always that smooth?

You shouldn’t make fun of people with my disorder. Flirting intolerance poses a serious threat to my health, and is no laughing matter.

 
Wow. Ok. I’m just going to leave that one alone. Do you have any parting advice for people who are also suffering from a very minor, non-life altering food intolerance?
 
Yep. Eat through the pain people. Eat through the pain.
 
More Food, Less Pain,
x-L & L
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3 thoughts on “An Interview With Myself About My Egg Intolerance

  1. This really made me smile. hilarious louise. I'm sorry about the eggs. I have a lead on how you could knock that intolerance if you're interested…GAPS diet (not forever).

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